So I have a few big pieces of news for you.
Okay.
First off: Heather likes what my facial hair does.
Man.
What does my facial do, exactly?
Nothing good.
Makes you look like a cartoon cat?
Right.
So you know how I've always wanted to let it go wild, but then chicken out and shave it after it gets gross?
Yep.
She and I have an agreement.
I'm not shaving until July! She said she likes the idea of me with a mustache!
Oh man.
This is going to get ugly.
Ready for the next piece of news?
Yes.
I got her on the Taco Bell wagon.
We went on Saturday, and by Sunday she was requesting it!
Man!!!
That's way easier than my experience with Brenda!
We started with the bean soft taco.
And from there worked up to the 7-Layer.
The mack daddy of them all.
She even ordered the spicy potato burrito, something I have no experience with!
That's Brenda's go-to.
Once she found that, she came to accept Taco Bell as a viable option.
You ready for the third piece of news?
Yes.
I bought a beard trimmer.
Man.
It's not for what you think.
For pubes?
It is for what you think!
Here's the issue, though... I think I got the wrong one.
Heather was very insistent that I get the ConAir product, and when we were at K-Mart she just handed me one that looked like hers.
But I think this one is for families for who give each other buzz cuts at home.
It has a picture of a bunch of smiling white people on it, all of them have buzz cuts.
That describes a lot of advertisements.
What do you use?
I have a beard trimmer and clippers for my hair. You can use either one on your pubes.
Right.
So I'm not actually sure this is a beard trimmer. I think it's a hair cutter.
That's fine.
It says it goes down to 1/8 of an inch.
Yeah.
Does that sound right?
Yep.
Okay, next question...
Throat hair. Can I shave that with my new trimmer?
Yeah.
I recommend trimming with that then using an actual razor for precision.
Hmmm.
I was really hoping to be done with shaving indefinitely.
Pipe dream.
Oh, you want some more news?
Sure.
Heather got me a blender!
I'm going to the store to buy some stuff to blend!
Man.
I can picture you throwing rolls of toilet paper into a blender.
High in fiber!
